Showing posts with label hawaii. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hawaii. Show all posts

Thursday, November 21, 2013

The End

They had been planning on moving in together – and now all that was a pipe dream. She was gone. The blue fleece blanket was hardly sufficient. More was deserved for this situation.
            Returning to the back of the plane, he opened the little cabinet and found one of the remaining four nature valley bars. He contemplated it for a moment. If she hadn’t gone, there would have only been three and a half today. If she hadn’t gone, she would still be here. Joe pulled the door shut as the wind started to blow. He watched out the little window as snow started to blow over the blanket. This window – the same window he had watched Anchorage drop away from him through – now showed him a thing he had never wanted to see.
            Carly and him had taken a trip to Oahu, they had stayed at a beautiful beachfront hotel. One night was the night that would be stuck in his memory. One evening as they left the room for the restaurant, he had discretely picked out a small package from his coat pocket. That was dessert. It was to be enjoyed after dinner, to the sunset. He had ordered a steak, medium rare, she had a seafood platter with shrimp, a small sample of mahi-mahi, and a glass of red wine. After he paid the bill the two went for a walk along the beach in Waikiki. The sun was about twenty minutes from setting. Her hand in his felt warm and soft, the way it had felt the first time he had held it, back in grade ten. But now he had to do this. Time for dessert.
            He blinked. It was getting dark outside. He crawled up to the cockpit, and took the little electric lantern he carried in his hiking pack. He hooked it into the air vent over seat 4A. It was the middle seat on the plane. The plane was lit up with the eerie glow of blue-white. It trembled slightly each time the wind blew. He returned to the cockpit for the flashlight. He returned to his window. He clicked the little button, and a beacon shone out into the storm. The blanket held fast.
            He let go of her hand, but she did too, at the same time. She reached up and adjusted her hair. He loved the way she looked in that white beach skirt. Her long brown hair reached just past her shoulders and was tied into a ponytail.
            A sudden bang echoed through the silent hull and it tipped a bit. A rush of cold air blew over him. A tree had fallen on the cockpit windshield. Snow and brisk air were pouring into the cold passenger section and ice was piling up on the vacant pilots seats.
            Joe found a garbage bag in the cabinet. As he unraveled the silver duct tape, pain seared through his arm – just a sprain. It’s not broken.
            He slowed as Carly adjusted her hair. She was about ten paces ahead when she realized that he wasn’t beside her. She turned around. And looked down.
            The duct take didn’t seal well against the dried blood on the panel, but the wind stopped invading his warmth. He surrounded himself in the remaining five blankets.
            The sunset was the most brilliant red, the sun itself was about halfway concealed by the horizon of the Pacific Ocean.
            Just twenty-two miles dues west, from the charts. But what good would that do? There are no highways around here. Not for at least two hundred miles. Even if he found a road he would have to hike it out to the nearest town. Traffic wasn’t common in the Alaska winter.
            A second crash brought him back to his senses. The little lantern was still on. He reached up and switched it off. He glanced out the window quickly before laying down, even though he couldn’t even see where the window was. He knew what lay beyond it, though. A little “beep beep” from his watch signaled the twelve hour mark.
            Carly’s mouth opened slowly. Joe spoke first.
            “We’ve been together for five years now. I love you, I have for a long time. I know you love me. I don’t know a couple as happy as us. Will you marry me?”
            She had answered with one word.
            “Yes.”
            Turn off the light. No. There shouldn’t be a light – sunlight? Was it morning already? No – the light vanished. Good. More sleep. Then it was back. Over the storm, through the muffling of the hull, he made out a low pitter-patter. He sat bolt upright. The little red light on the EPRB was still on. It wasn’t possible. Just three hours earlier… The light came back.
            He reached into his pocket. The little black box had a thin velvet coating, just as he had seen in all those dumpy romance movies. He opened it – nothing. Needless to say, panic ensued. He was almost brought to tears on the happiest night of his life.
            Then all of a sudden, like rolling thunder, the sound of the helicopter came out of nowhere and the storm outside was illuminated by a halogen light. Joe kicked the door open and grabbed the red stick off the seat behind it, and pulled a tab off of it. A brilliant red light, brighter than daylight, erupted from it. Startled, he dropped the flare outside the door. The helicopter stayed. Still wrapped in five blankets, he waved out of the door. He could see the shape of it now that the light wasn’t blinding him. I landed about two hundred feet from the plane.
            He was breaking down, tearing apart the luggage, opening every drawer, checking pockets – all the while Carly had her hand on his should trying to call him. After and hour and a half of searching, he gave up. He picked up the bedside phone. He dialed his home number in Farmoll.
            A man in a bright orange jumpsuit, who looked rather like a giant carrot, came out of the storm and started shouting.
            “Where are the other three?”
            “Hello?”
            “Mom, it’s Joe – yeah – can you check in my office desk drawer – yeah top right one – the little wooden box – thank god. Love you, see you in a few days.” He hung up. “I left it in my drawer.”
            “The first thing I’ll do when I get home is put that ring on. She gave him a kiss.
            He was silent. The carrot yelled louder.
            “Sir, are you injured?”
            “What – no. They…” His eyes moved to the blanket laying under the wing. He pointed towards the cloth, then walked towards the helicopter. It was time to go home.
            “It has been announce that the small connecting flight from Anchorage to Farmoll airport has been recovered, with one survivor.”

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

The Best Week of My Life

On March 24th, 2012, I went through airport security. I am a frequent traveller, I use the airlines usually two to four times a year. However, I had always had my parents there to tell me what to do, how to do it, when to do it. Today I took off my shoes to be bombarded by x-ray radiation alone, and knew no one in sight. My heart rate was probably through the roof. In about a week’s time it would be back to normal. I was about to get on a flight to Ottawa for a program called Encounters With Canada or “Rencontres Avec Canada.” I got my last choice on my list of possibilities, politics in Canada. I didn’t think I would have a good time.
I generally acknowledge that I have a reputation that follows me without legitimate reason, a very negative reputation. I was worried, as usual, that I would be bullied, harassed and made fun of for a week. That wouldn’t be the case; that week changed me into a completely new person.
On the first day of Encounters, I sat down in the dining hall with a girl named April and a boy named Trevor. Trevor was from Richmond and April was from Edenwold, Saskatchewan. These people didn’t know me or even know people who knew me. Over that week they turned into the best friends I had made since grade 8, perhaps ever, and I continue to exchange emails, Skype and cards with them. I was now engulfed in an environment of people with whom I could relate and were ready to be accepting of new people. We spent our week in Ottawa touring around, attending sessions of parliament and taking part in political workshops.
In hindsight, it was the best week I have ever spent. The food was dreadful. The beds weren’t comfortable. I was bullied in the end by a kid from British Columbia. How did I change?
The biggest was my social change. Prior to that, I had no confidence making friends. I had been suspended once, in grade four, and people used it as an excuse to be mean to me and used it up until grade nine. Now there were 109 students my age or very close, all of whom knew no one in the building and wanted to make new friends and acquaintances. I developed a very social personality, hanging out in the recreation room playing ping pong or even hanging in the lounge playing piano for friends who would actually take the time to listen, complement and sing along. My self-confidence skyrocketed; I realized that I only had felt unable to make friends in the past due to the nature of those with whom I was isolated. I was freed from the social prison of having been bullied for ten years.
I learned that I could be myself and the majority of the intelligent world would not object to it. I learned that I enjoyed travelling on my own and being self-guiding.
In regards to my career, at this point my goal is to become an aircraft structure maintenance technician, or the guy who prevents the wings from falling off. The political aspect of Encounters did not truly interest me as much as the social aspect of the trip, although I developed extreme skill or at least had it come out when in the debating workshop. I was voted in every time for my team as the presenter, the one who got to yell at the opposition. This won’t help me fix aircraft.
An aircraft technician travels with the aircraft, especially with a commercial services company like a fire-fighting organization like Conair, my likely future employer. If I wasn’t comfortable travelling, meeting new people, being away from current friends and family, this would be far from ideal.
A smaller component of the trip was that I got to exercise my 8 years of pure French education by interacting with the Canadiens Français at Encounters.
The greatest aspect of the trip was my social change. I discovered that people did in fact want to meet me, that people were as interested in talking to me as I was to them. I changed from a child who was sheltered in fear of the bullying that was in no way imaginary to a boy who was perhaps the most outgoing in his group of friends. Prior to that trip, I had no interest of meeting people in places I wasn’t familiar with. Now, I actually look forward to later life and meeting people outside of school.
As I got on the plane leaving Ottawa, I had been up for thirty-nine hours straight. I woke up thirty minutes before landing in Ottawa. The man beside me introduced himself to me and asked me about why I had been in Ottawa. I answered as if I had known him the entire time, and I told him something very similar to what I wrote above. I would not have been able to say that six days earlier.
I would like to close by saying that the trip gave me personal responsibility. Each night the boys of our dormitory played rude pranks on the security guard, always laughing at him. He was in fact quite a nice person, so on the last night I went out and met him and apologized to him on behalf of everyone else. I returned to my bunk to find it covered in shaving cream and a very rude note.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Not-So-Stalgia

I can’t say I can experience nostalgia - I’m only 17. That would be rather pedantic of me. However, some memories are very strong. For instance, the smell or fresh, cool air and the sound of rain coming down from a grey sky reminds me of the first time I went to visit a friend who I hadn’t seen in another town. We had soup at a little coffee shop and hung out, it was the first time I went somewhere on my own planning without my parents. She is still a very important friend.
I think everyone has these moments. It’s weird what a small reminder can bring back - December, 1963, that song makes me feel like I’m about to land at 8:30 at Kona International Airport because all three times that I have landed there, somehow, that song on my shuffled playlist plays right at that instant. Every time I take the SkyTrain through Lougheed Town Centre station all I can think of is my ex-girlfriend who I made the mistake of dumping and ignoring for almost half a year. I go to Stanley Park and it’s memories of biking around the Sea Wall with training wheels.
The strongest memory, however, isn’t always the event itself, but the emotions that come out of the event. The happiness I experience when I visit the park in Fort Langley brings back memories, wonderful memories of yet another relationship. I’m sure that one day I will travel to England and all I will be able to remember is how the first email we got after landing was a notification from my grandmother that my grandpa had passed away while we were out of communication.
Visiting Ottawa will only bring back good memories, of making more friends than I could ever imagine. Some things draw emotions that aren’t in the guidebook of emotions that are commonly recognized - specific emotions, such as “holy god that tree with moss hanging off the branches is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.” I hope some day you will be able to share happy experiences with others, and not just photos and sound, but the actual feeling of it.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

The Dream of an Unattainable Future

I've been lucky during my life to travel more than anyone I have ever met. And yet, I wish to travel more. I am addicted now. 

My love for travel is rooted deeply, way back in kindergarten. We travelled to the destroyed Glacier House, part of the original Rogers Pass route of the railway. This is the earliest point that I can recall that I was obsessed with seeing something bizarre and beautiful. This was where nature was reclaiming the area that humans messed up for it, and I couldn't pry myself away from it. I spent quite a while exploring the ruins of the old hotel.

Over the years, I travelled to dozens of locations, some of which are gone or closed (cue that Beatles song). I've been to all sorts of places too, not just one type. I've lived in a Parisian Art-Deco mansion, rode the elephants at Disneyland (and World), been at the top of the world's tallest mountain (Mauna Kea, in height, not altitude), navigated the highest swamp in the world, seen the midnight sun, walked the great wall, flown a plane, witnessed a waterspout in Oregon, driven through a sandstorm, been irradiated at the oldest nuclear power plant in the world, timed Old Faithful, driven the world's longest continuous highway, and I'm just now beginning University. I've done a lot in my life. A lot more than a lot of people. 

What does the future hold? I don't want to know. Exploration to me is the key to happiness, not even knowing what you don't know, to the point where what you learn is completely unexpected. 

Unfortunately, I haven't had this option as I have pretty boring parents (despite that list of things I've done). They don't believe in taking any risks. If the trail doesn't look like it's maintained, they don't hike it. Had I been with a friend while hiking the Awini Trail through the Pololu, I would have carried on to Honopue valley, a secluded and difficult to access valley seldom seen by anyone. We stopped after Honokane Nui, because my mum didn't want to come along. This was a turning point for me, I decided that adventure is my sort of thing. Very few people hike beyond the next valley, Honokane Iki. I plane on doing so once I have the money to fly to Kona (which I already do, I simply need enough to survive after buying a plane ticket). My parents will disapprove. Highly. I don't care. I love the outdoors, I want to experience things.

At this point, I'd like to make it clear that, no, I don't believe I am invincible as do many young adult males of my breed. I want to stay alive long enough to see where this out-of-control world is going. 

So what is truly my greatest goal in life? Hamakua coast. That's about all I can say. If things go the way I want, it will be all the way from Waipio to Pololu or the other way around. What does this entail? 

Ten to twenty days in hell, to put it mildly. There is only one account of anyone else ever doing this hike, and it took them twice the estimated time of seven days. There is no trail (although many have been built, most are destroyed by nature). What else?

A partner: be it a girlfriend who actually appreciates hiking as much as me or a friend who is nearly as insane as I am. I just need a partner, or multiple partners. Hiking alone isn't safe. Nothing is safe when you're alone. 

To conclude this, I'd like to say that it is a dream. Not a terminus in sight. A dream. Hiking a route that no one else ever writes about will be difficult, to say the least. This is the only unexplored tropical rainforest in the fifty states, and it is dangerous. I will need a good troop. One day, this will happen. Not today, or any time in the next five years. 

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Photo of the Day: 31/10/13


Spooky Water, Poipu, Kauai County, Hawaii
Happy Halloween! Be safe, have fun, and get lots of candy. March 2012.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Photo of the Day: 30/10/13


Hanakapaai Falls, Kauai County, Hawaii
Located along the Napali Coast in Hawaii, definitedly worth the five hour hike and blistered feet. March 2012.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Photo of the Day: 29/10/13


Arches, Waimea Canyon State Park, Kauai County, Hawaii
Amazing arches as seen from a beautiful waterfall in Hawaii. Look for the goat. March 2012.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Photo of the Day: 28/10/13


Kalalau Valley, Kauai County, Hawaii
The most photographed valley in all of Hawaii, and certainly deserving the title. I will be hiking into this valley some day once I have the means to do so. March 2012.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Photo of the Day: 27/10/13


Poipu Coastline, Kauai County, Hawaii
These are lithified sand dunes near the hotel district in Poipu. March 2012.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Photo of the Day: 26/10/13


Alakai Swamp, Kauai County, Hawaii
After Pearl Harbour was bombed, Alakai Swamp seemed like the ideal place for a telegraph route to the Unite States. Today it demonstrates its ability to consume man's creations. March 2012.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Photo of the Day: 25/10/13


NaPali Coast, Kauai County, Hawaii.
Taken from a long beach at the base of the cliffs. March 2012.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Photo of the Day: 24/10/13


Road outside of Poipu, Kauai County, Hawaii.
This stretch of road was extremely vivid in colour and made me realize how beautiful even the destruction that humans cause is. March 2012.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Photo of the Day: 23/10/13


Hanapepe, Kauai County, Hawaii.
A beautiful little corner of town. March, 2012.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Hawaii: Day 3: Snowstorms and Spiders

I am from British Columbia, which is supposed to be cold (it was until about five years ago when Al Gore visited and brought global warming with him). Coming to Hawaii is a real treat, because even when it is pouring rain and windy, it’s warm. I love it here. This is the reason that this morning, when I visited the NOAA’s website, I was disgusted to find that Mauna Kea, at a mere 13,796 and being the largest mountain on earth, was engulfed in a massive snow and ice storm. And we were supposed to visit it today to look out over the clouds. Two inches of ice on the roads. Temperatures with wind chill of minus 40 (celsius or fahrenheit, your call. I think they’re the same, aren’t they? Anyways, I was peeved, because that might keep up all week and that is NOT good cricket, Hawaii.

Instead, we went to do something we hadn’t done before on the Big Island (oh god forbid we try something new): hike along the uninhabited shoreline in a beautiful and rugged area. This proved to be amazing and some of the photos, still to follow. I got thoroughly soaked by one absolutely massive rogue wave, well in excess of 15 feet, hitting the cliffs. I counted 10 sea arches and over 15 blowholes (I feel ripped off, Andrew Doughty promised 12 sea arches. Well, to court we go!). Altogether an amazing hike. I highly recommend it, as long as you have a waterproof camera (I own two). Speaking of which, a GoPro makes an excellent camera to hold in over a blowhole, I don’t think my $900 Canon would get the same results (and survive). 

For the drive to the hike, I attached my GoPro to the hood of our GMC Uglyasfuck. WOW did the footage look cool - I’ll be uploading it to YouTube tonight (search “Painted Church Road GoPro”).

I believe Agent Smith works as a security guard at the resort. HE even has the facial expression. SIngular. So now we have the other half of a day to waste away, and I have no bloody clue what we can do. I really want to go tell the clouds to screw off and let the 23 degrees become an ocean-sports permitting 28 degrees like it usually is here in Kona at this time of year. 

Finally the clouds opened up in the late evening and gave me some of the most spectacular sunset I have ever seen or photographed in my life. A random guy walked by while I was barbecuing dinner and said that I should also photographed the spiders. I hadn’t noticed but there are spiders here that are more beautiful than the sunsets.

To conclude, I truly wish we had risked our insurance policy and driven as high up Mauna Kea as possible to experience the sort-of rare occurrence of snow in Hawaii.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Hawaii: Day 2: iPods and Illnesses

Ah, Hawaii. The place big enough that you aren’t likely to have time to see everything but small enough that you will see the same cute girl, on two different days, in two completely different places. The world is cruel, is it not?

My mother is horribly ill, meaning that we can’t do anything. I mean anything. We ca’t even leave the condo for a walk (well I can leave, but not my dad or my mum). It’s pissing me off - we fly all the way to Hawaii to be cooped up in a soviet-era condo. However, I can hand it one thing.

I have never walked across a golf green in my life. The first reason being I don’t have the money to play golf, the second being my interest in golf is similar to my interest in professional hair styling. However, last friday, the golf course (a full 18 holes) in front of our hotel shut down and the fences were taken down. It is still maintained since it’s still a perfectly good golf course and someone might want to buy it, but you don’t get kicked off for not paying. I can do cartwheels all the way across it (actually, I can’t. I just needed to throw that in). What were the highlights of the day? Well, for starters, we bumped into (literally, I stubbed my toe upon walking onto the property) a massive abandoned hotel. It’s called the Outrigger Keauhou Beach Resort. The grounds are perfectly maintained and there are security guards who we talked to and asked about the hotel (it shut down on Halloween). 

From the grounds, we watched, astounded, as a 747-200 did an approach with the landing gear down from almost 5000 feet. That’s right. Five. Freaking. Thousand. Feet. Usually landing gear goes down around 1000. 

Every story, however comedic in nature, must be crested with tragedy. This morning I woke up and wanted to listen to some music on my iPod, as well as read some of the things we were going to do out of the wonderful Hawaii: The Big Island Revealed app. To my dismay, I could not locate the iPod. Soon the entire hotel room was upside down (the earthquakes here are terrible), and still no iPod. I thought, “maybe it’s still in my pants from last night.” It wasn’t. But the pocket that the iPod was so cozily nested in has an iPod sized hole in the bottom, which means that either those son of a bitches at WestJet found it when cleaning the plane and chose not to try to contact the owner, it’s sitting on the tarmac being shredded by the engine of a 747, or any of the three places we were last night. There are literally only three places I could have lost it: airport, car rental, or hotel lobby. I pray it shows up. 

On the other side of the news, I got some splendid photographs of some heritage totems near the Outrigger, as well as watched the tide start pouring in. I realized that one of the factors leading to the demise of the hotel could have been the Tsunami form Japan, which hit Kona pretty hard and destroyed a lot of businesses. 

Costco here is brilliant. In Canada, you walk up to a big long counter and one person takes all the orders, then one person gives out all the food, and there is like a 2 person support staff in the kitchen. Here, there are 5 windows, each with a separate cash register. 

After discussing the similarities between my stuffed hamster Hammy and an upturned hippo with my dad, we threw a pizza in the oven and enjoyed a nice cold fruit juice cup of (that sentence was poorly formed and I’m too lazy to fix it. Instead, I will now type half a paragraph of this). As I was sitting alone on our front porch finishing my last piece of pizza (number 11), I look up just in time to see a guy almost walk into our suite. I pipe up: “I think your’s is the next one over.” He responds: “Good man. We need more like you,” and returns to his condo. He came back to meet my father and I, and he’s from the next town over, Port Coquitlam, British Columbia. We come all the way to Hawaii and meet a guy from down the highway. 

After dinner, I went inside and opened my briefcase, and my iPod fell out. Somehow, it had embedded itself into the side of the bag, between sewn layers of fabric, and morphed into the seventh dimension and conversed with beings from Europa (I made some of that up, namely the part about the layers of fabric). Anyways, I recovered my iPod. Conflict resolved, which means the drama is at an end, meaning that the story is over. Thanks for reading if you wasted your time doing so, and screw you if you didn’t!

Friday, March 15, 2013

Hawaii: Day 1: WestJet and Rental Cars

Flights are always really freaking awesome. We took WJ1882 (I have that number memorized, this was my third time on that exact flight) from YVR to KOA or PHKO depending on whether you’re actually intelligent or not. It was a disgusting day in Vancouver when we left, way too hot for March 15th. 17 degrees was the high. Welcome to spring. 

After skipping most of my classes for the day because they would have been pointless, I drove home and got to witness the ultimate display of grouchygrumpnuts. My father seems to be more stressed on Vacation than at work. I don’t get it, I’m the opposite (along with 95% of the world’s sane human population). 

We got to the airport after having to listen to my grandpa ramble on about how he had found these amazing devices - E-Readers! He was also musing over the fact that he could plug a USB drive into his car and play music… and then I showed him my iPod and he asked what the point of that was. Enough said. Not white, actually - he also spent the other half of the drive through the Massey Tunnel rambling about this amazing new technology, rechargeable AA batteries (the lithium ion type), that should never have been invented because it’s going to destroy the world or something. Just for comparison to how behind my parents are, my mother was agreeing with him (although quite frankly she doesn’t know what a Lithium ion battery is). 

Airport security was dull except for the really grumpy and bored checkpoint staffmember named Lovely, whose name, when read, came out the other side of my brain in the most sarcastic tone of “oh, well that’s lovely.” Partially from her mood, partially because I’m a twisted and judgemental freak.

I spent an hour at the airport doing three things: taking pictures of planes (stay tuned for a crap ton of posts over the next two weeks), figuring out why my camera wasn’t taking pictures of planes, and trying to order a simple sandwich from a Tim Hortons woman who spoke about two and a half words of English. I did not end up with what I ordered, but they gave me the more expensive sandwich instead of the cheap one I chose, so I’m sure not complaining. Finally, we found my mum lollygagging (I just had to use that word, I don’t even know what it means) around the other side of the airport, and we boarded the plane.

The flight was awesome. I watched two episodes of David Attenborough’s epic as shit voice talking about humping hippos (aka, Planet Earth), ate my sandwich and then my mum’s (she was not hungry/sleeping). Then I ate a tube of Pringles. Then I ate half a kilogram of dried fruit. There is about as much potato in the dried fruit as is in the Pringles. I swear they’re made of styrofoam and crack. Then I tried to get some rest while being kicked by the little bastard in the seat in front of me (it’s possible, don’t ask how). Thank god for WestJet and their legroom or I would not be hiking this week. 

And then, welcome to Hawaii, land of way to disturbingly friendly airport security and rental car shuttle drivers. Hawaii, I swear, is the only place in the world where the skinny Asian dudes are the cool guys, they drive the pickup trucks, and they run the place (other than Vancouver, possibly). But let’s get to the point: 

Hawaii is so freaking laid back. I’m watching people doing their after work shopping at Safeway in Kailua Kona (Google Map it, you stalker), and I mean, in Langley, when people move slowly into a grocery store it’s because they either physically cannot move faster or they are way too freaking lazy to pick up the effin’ pace. Here, it’s the speed of things. Einstein’s theory of relativity applies: everyone moves slower, so time passes slower. Science has paid off, ok? 

Apparently we’re having all of the Kona coast and Kohala for breakfast tomorrow, since my parents were supposed to get the fixin’s for breaky and returned with a shopping cart overflowing with chow. 

As an aside, I’d like to talk about our rental car, a new enough for me to call new GMC Arcadia (as our paleozoic rental car guy called it). I got to peek inside the cockpit of the 737-800ER that we flew here on, and I know for a fact that this car has more buttons than the entire flight deck. And I know the flight deck of the 737 pretty damned well (I was dictating the landing checklist as we were on approach, my dad was giving me disdainful looks). What happened to dials? The fan control even uses buttons. It even appears that there is a button that activates a giant peanut maker directly above the driver’s head, but I can’t be sure.The only thing I like about this lump o’ junk gas-guzzler is that it has radio and climate controls specifically for the back, in the back, that actually work. Don’t ask how GMC came up with the logic of separate RADIO controls. We were supposed to be driving a Ford Escape. 

To close of the laid-backness of Hawaii, it’s just after 11 when I’m writing this in the car on the way to the resort and I have seen a total of four cars. We have driven 1/10th the length of the island. 

Anyways, mahalo for reading and aloha!

If you found any part of this post offensive, and I apologize for your sorry oversensitivity. It’s a humorous journal, not a philosophical text.