How (not) To Repair Apple Headphones

University residence is really loud. Sleeping is not a right, it is a privilege earned by those who call security to shut down parties. I enjoy sleeping, being a human being (unlike the other people in this building). 

Both pairs of my SkullCandy headphones broke the same way a week apart, and I'm sending them off for warranty replacement tomorrow. I'm stuck with Apple headphones: superior audio quality, in my opinion, but do nothing to cancel noise. The only way I can fall asleep at TRU Rez is by blasting the soundtrack to Kon Tiki on repeat (I'm at 162 plays, and that's only because I don't use my expensive and breakable iPod while sleeping. Please note, the song is 14:38 long, adding up to over 39 hours of one song. That's more than my whole library put together).

Tonight I decided to kick back and not study (ok, bad choice, but a much needed break). First I built the Banff Springs Hotel in the Sims 3, then got bored with that and decided to watch Life of Pi for the third time. Two seconds into the movie, the left headphone failed. I froze in horror: this destroyed all prospects of getting any sleep for the next month. My life fell apart at the same time as Pi Patel was thrown into the pool by Mamaji. By the time his family was being drowned by a Japanese cargo ship, my heart was going at about ten thousand beats per minute, and it had nothing to do with the movie. I need sleep. I'm not one of those university students who can party and operate on two hours of sleep (like my roommate, which is why I'm moving). I did, in the end, thoroughly enjoy the movie, as did my neighbours, because of my lovely giant speakers. I could feel the storm (although there was actually a storm outside as well). As the movie drew to a close and my best friend on Skype decided that sleep was in order due to illness, I needed something to do. How about fixing headphones? Ok. Let's go... (Warning: do not do this to your headphones, EVER):

1. Check for bent 3.5mm jack. Checked. Present. Probably from the amount that I roll around in my sleep combined with my stuffed fish.
   Solution: What to do... oh yeah, I have a toolbox. What's in it... a hammer? Ok, cool. three firm whacks later, the headphone jack is straight and fits into the female socket (that's what she said).
2. Check for damaged cable. Absent. Good. I'm not ready to carry out my fourth headphone surgery in my life at 11:30PM at university. 
3. Further diagnostics: The left earbud was emitting no sound... or so I thought. When placed backwards in my ear, it sounded beautiful, but they aren't really designed to sit that way in your ear. Obviously the speaker diaphragm has been damaged, probably from a sudden exposure to pressure from me rolling around in my sleep.
   Solution: Wtf. Apple builds things to not be taken apart. What do I do... what killed it... Pressure. With enough energy, anything can be reversed. With what, however, does one provide the inverse energy? Um... my mouth. This literally sucks. (har har). Suddenly, I hear Chopin wafting from my nostrils.

You should have seen my eyes light up. I had music... I had sleep. I would recommend this all as only a last resort, if your headphones have a warranty (like shotty SkullCandies do), make use of it.

Anyways, that's all I have to say for today. Other than people in this residence are truly stupid. Excessively so.

On Gay Stereotypes

This one will go to, and possibly tumble over the edge of controversy.

Recently I read a reblog on how we should have a TV show with every character being gay and one person being stereotypically straight and going into bars and getting women and so on. This made me upset. First of all, the show would be economically unfeasible, as it would not appeal to the majority demographic. Second, in a sense, it already exists. 

Have you ever heard of any of the following shows: Modern Family (Remember this one), How I Met Your Mother, Hogan’s Heroes, Gilligan’s Island, The Simpsons (remember this one too)? I mentioned two very old TV to use. I’ll start with them. Even without a gay character, these TV shows portray “straight guy” stereotypes as you like to call them. Being distracted by beautiful women, wanting to be drunk, reacting violently to bad situations. Most people just don’t realize that those are stereotypes, they think they are the norm - but wait, isn’t that the definition of stereotype? As a guy who (a) would never set foot in a bar to save my life, (b) will never touch a drop of alcohol, (c) isn’t attracted to every girl, (d) I don’t react violently (anymore) to bad situations, shouldn’t I get all offended and shit and start a campaign for fairness for straight people? Hell no. That wouldn’t make sense. Let’s take a look at the Simpsons.

The show the Simpsons aired on December 17th, 1989, and since its pilot episode, has been based around the concept of stereotypes. No one, as far as I know, has ever taken the creators to court over racism, sexism, homophobia, or any other “problem.” It’s because people are willing to laugh at problems. Also, the show is a cartoon, which is blandly unrealistic and in my humble opinion not that great a show, but that has absolutely nothing to do with this rant: it’s popular, that’s all that matters. But something that’s not a cartoon?

We change the stage to Modern Family, a rather decently acted but poorly scripted and shot sitcom that I was forcibly exposed to by a now ex-girlfriend. There is a gay couple in it. They are “stereotypically” gay. Guess what? There are also two “stereotypically” straight families in it too. The younger family with kids includes a mum and dad who argue non stop and the woman is always over-reacting to everything he says, which is a stereotype. In the older couple, the man always just wants to spend time out with his friends drinking or gambling or just generally not being around his stereotypically annoying as hell South American wife. People laugh. And they don’t realize it, but they are actually laughing at heterosexual stereotypes.

So before you make some brilliant comment about stereotypes and racism and segregation, look at the realistic and logical side of things - perhaps where people don’t always look. Don’t get so caught up in political correctness that it actually hurts you.